Ok um yeah. I hate posting these...

*WARNING*:

If you dont care to read this, it's just basically me having no motivation anymore and this account being dead when it comes to personal art. I'd love it if you did take the maybe 5 minutes out of your life to read it so i feel like im not being ignored. Again. You don't have to comment, though, of course. 

*END WARNING*

Again.

I REALLY hate to be in that crowd of people who are abandoning dA, but this place has quite literally screwed up my social life and social skills.

I used to be able to go up to someone and jump in on a conversation without being yelled at or getting a weird look like "what the fuck is she doing/saying."

I could actually SPEAK. I'm full of freaking slurs and stuttering cause im so nervous around people. And half the time they don't even understand what i'm saying cause i'm talking too fast.

I used to be able to keep friends and talk to them constantly . A .

I am literally an awkward lump of flesh that has her little group of friends IRL but has no confidence to speak to others.

I can't make friends anymore,

And i'm thiiiiiiis close to loosing a whole lot of them.

Other than my life outside of the internet full of nervousness and no confidence,

I have no motivation to draw :<

I sit down and try to draw

try

try

try.

2 hours later i still have a blank canvas and MAYBE a couple of scribbles here and there.

Then i trash it because i'm the worst critic in the world over my art. "It looks dumb," or "That'll never work," or "Who the hell cares?"

AND NO INSPIRATION EITHER. The only thing tying me down to drawing is my natural urge to sketch something, anything.

In all honesty i'm sick of drawing my own characters.

They have no one to interact with other than more of my characters.

I know each of them like the back of my hand, and that to me is, honestly, quite boring.

I want to draw OTHER peoples' characters, something that i've never seen.

I want to make them happy to see their characters, like i am when i VERY RARELY get gift art or b-day art. It brightens my day so much you dont even understand. I want to make people smile while actually being productive, if that makes any sense what-so-ever xD

I would do requests purely because i want to draw peoples' characters. But i closed requests a long time ago due to many, many people saying that i should get something out of it. And they're right; I should, and i want to, too. Thus is why i opened commissions, hoping i'd earn a little money.

Which leads me into my next subject.

This account is more than likely going to be emptied out (or at least have all of it's art moved to the Scraps section.)

When that's done, I'll be using this for mainly commissions, and the occasional personal art dump.

I'll try to take BOTH and PayPal commissions.

until people start commissioning or whatever at this point, I might as well put up doodle dumps like a normal person would on dA.

And i might actually put some stuff out on my Tumblr? Which is sort of empty at the moment except for stupid reblog stuff. 

I dunno.

Maybe more sketches.

But whatever.

Main point of this journal is ranting and the fact that this account is probably going to be dead when it comes to personal art.

yeah.

Sorry for being a dramallama.

drama

yeeeeeeaaaaaaa no.

but seriously sorry :I

Now off to scrapping everything in my gallery...